After reading my
almost sister's post,
I'm a Realist, I decided to make a few statements of my own about the current generation of children. Before anyone starts reading this and gets offended, please remember that this is my opinion and you don't have to agree. People don't agree with me all the time! Big freaking deal.
I was raised similarly to
Cely. My parents told me I was smart and pretty. However, my parents did NOT think I was THE smartest, cutest, or best child ever. They told me I could accomplish realistic goals with hard work. I was never told I'd be famous or anything like that. When I started sixth grade my parents attended open house. We were in the gym listening to the P.E. coach. When she finished talking about all the activities we'd be required to do, my mother raised her hand and said, "What if our child is not, umm, athletically inclined?" My parents were fully aware of my strengths and weaknesses.
My boyfriend's son is often saying how awesome he is at things. He's mentioned several times that he is "awesome at football!". My boyfriend then reminds is son that he does pretty well, but he isn't necessarily awesome. He tells his son that he has a lot of work to do before he can say he is awesome at football. I like that. He doesn't discourage his son, but he also isn't filling his head with a bunch of garbage. He wants to keep his son grounded.
I was a teacher for the past seven years and it seems today's parents and children are often not realistic about the child's strengths and weaknesses. I have quite a few stores about "perfect children" and the parents that told them this crap. First of all, no one is perfect. You aren't Jesus. Your kid isn't Jesus.
I've had kids repeatedly tell me they weren't going to pick up trash off the floor because "that's what the janitor is for". I informed them that the janitor's job was to vacuum, dust, empty trash cans, clean boards and desks, etc., NOT pick up the kids' mess. I had to call a parent one day and inform her of her child's behavior and why he was getting an office referral. The mother said, "I'm not calling you a liar, but my child wouldn't do that." Riiight. You aren't calling me a liar, but I must be lying. I had a mother complain to the principal one year because I was talking to my students about preparing for college. This was a Pre-AP class where the goal IS college. She said I was putting too much pressure on them as middle school students. My principal said, "Ma'am, when would you like for us to start preparing them for college?" She didn't have an answer to that.
Last year I was sitting at my desk in my classroom. It was the last day of the 9-week grading period. Grades were due before lunch, so I had turned mine in as it was already afternoon. A mother walked into my classroom with her daughter. She had checked her grades online and saw that her daughter had a C. The mother asked if there was anything her daughter could do to bring up her grade. I replied that I had already turned grades in and that it was the last day of the 9-weeks. I also explained that her child had several late assignments and that she had failed an open-note test and chose not to do corrections to raise her grade. The mother then explained that her daughter would be in big trouble if she got a C and again asked if I could change her grade. Again, I said it was the last day of the grading period and that her daughter should have come to me before today. I didn't bend on this one and the mother kept saying that her daughter would be in big trouble at home if she got a C.
Here's what baffles me. This mother was trying to save the daughter from her own rule! I'm not the one who said she wasn't allowed to get Cs! She imposed a rule on her child and then didn't want to follow through and be the bad guy. She didn't say anything to her child about why she hadn't turned in assignments on time or why she didn't do test corrections.
A few years ago I was teaching at a school in a nicer area of town. Most of the students were upper-middle class. I was teaching a gifted and talented history class. As I'm giving what I felt was a particularly moving lesson on slavery, I see two girls passing notes. I picked up the notes and they were griping about why they had to learn this. One girl said she was going to be a model and the other said she was going to be a doctor and both had written that they didn't need to know about history or slavery for either profession. Interestingly enough, one of the girls was African-American. It took everything I had not to go off on these two. Instead I kept them after class and talked to them. I told the one who wanted to be a doctor that she had to have good grades in ALL classes to be a doctor, including history. I told the one who wanted to be a model that she better have a back-up plan and get an education because modeling only lasts so long and what if she didn't make it at all.
One year I had a particularly rowdy class at the same school. This group of kids are the ones who think they can do no wrong. They were always talking about being pro-athletes or famous musicians or things like that. So one day I'm up teaching and they just wouldn't listen. I'd repeatedly told them to be quiet. One kid piped up that he didn't need to worry about this stuff because he was going to play pro-basketball. I snapped! This is where I went all
Bad Teacher on them. I closed my book and I looked around the room. I said, "Guys, I'm about to kill your dreams." I proceeded to tell them that they weren't all going to be famous, that maybe one out of the 700 in their entire school would end up famous and it probably wouldn't be them. I told them they better have a back-up plan, so they could get a real job. The next Michael Jordan was not sitting in this classroom. They weren't going to be a rock star. Then I went on to tell them they would have a hard time making it in the real world with their current attitudes. I told them if they behaved at a job the way they behaved in a classroom, they'd be fired. I told them if I talked to my principal the way they talked to me, they'd be fired. Then I went around the room pointing at the particularly obnoxious ones and said, "You're fired! You're fired! You're fired!" I told them why they'd be fired too. I told these kids what all they would need money for and how they better pay attention in class, so they had good enough grades to get into college because without a degree, they wouldn't get a good enough job to be able to afford those nice things they were used to. I went home that afternoon just knowing that I'd be getting calls from parents the next day, but I didn't care. I felt like these kids were setting themselves up for major disappointment down the road and that maybe I had gotten through to at least one.
So here's the point. Parents, please teach your children realism. Please tell them that they will have to work hard for most things in their life. Please don't set them up for major disappointment. You can't go to college with them and save them from that mean professor. You can't go to their first job with them and save them from that evil boss. Teach them that not everyone will like them. Teach them that they won't always be the best at something. Let them stumble and fall sometimes, so they know how to get back up.
