Pin Cushion

For the last 3 weeks I've been going to an acupuncturist.  At this point I'm desperate to find anything that will help.  I've tried medicines, ice packs, nerve blocks in my head and neck, a caffeine cocktail IV, and spinal taps.  After a month off work something better work or I'll lose my job and that means I lose my health insurance.

A Vietnamese woman my mom knows recommended I try acupuncture and told us where to go.  This sweet Korean lady has her PhD and retired from nursing in the U.S.  She has been working to help my headaches, back pain from the spinal tap, and upset stomach from all the medications I take.

I was amazed at what she could tell from looking at my tongue and asking me some questions.  She is very insightful, but above that, I feel better.  I actually feel better!  I'm drinking a different pH water from her also.  She had me cut out cheese which was difficult- lol.  It's working to the point I've been able to lower my dosage on one medication and completely quit taking another two.  This woman is truly a gift from God.  She talks to me about my broken heart and shares about her own divorce.  I leave there every time feeling renewed. 

My grandma would always equate getting shots and having blood drawn to feeling like a pin cushion.  I'm sure I look like a giant pin cushion during my sessions!  I feel like one sometimes, but I'm just so grateful to feel better that it really doesn't matter.

Good Day

For the last 3 weeks, I've been off work.  I had to have a spinal tap and have been extremely ill.  I won't be returning to work until January and I miss my students terribly.  I've been pretty down lately.  Last week my parents were at the cattle auction in town and asked me to meet them up there after my doctor's appointment.  

I went up there to sit with my dad and there was this little kid running around the auction barn.  He had a snotty nose and was just filthy, but absolutely adorable in his cowboy boots and wrangler jeans.  He would sit and sing really loud and play like he had a guitar for a while.  Then he'd run around and jump up and down the bleachers.  As he's running by, the old men would talk to him a little and they apparently knew who he was.  My dad said he's there every week.  The whole time he's doing this, the auction is going on and cattle are coming through and it doesn't phase him or anyone else.  My dad pointed out his father and told me he was a cattle buyer for one of the large companies that sends cattle to the stockyards.  I started talking to the little boy and he told me his name and and that he was 4 years old. Then as he ran around he'd come back and talk to me a little. 

After a while my parents and I went into the cafe area to get a burger.  This adorable little guy came and sat with me and I gave him my chips.  He didn't want part of the burger.  He was perusing a tractor catalog and could tell me what was a combine versus a tractor or a bulldozer.  I asked him what kind of tractor the green ones were and he knew John Deere.  I told him what kind the red and blue were and then he went through the entire catalog telling me what they all were.  He said yes ma'am and was just about the cutest thing I've ever seen.  When he ran off to get himself some sweet tea from the dispenser, the lady in the cafe told us that his mother just up and left one day.  Instead of taking him to daycare, his daddy takes him with him to all the different cattle auctions he goes to throughout the week.

I spent nearly 3 hours playing with this little boy and teaching him things.  I wiped his nose and put chapstick on his chapped face.  It was the best day I'd had in so long.  I asked my dad to go with me to the auction again this week.  He jokingly said he didn't want to be a part of me stalking a 4 year old.  I said, "Well, he doesn't have a mama and I don't have a kid."  I'm not sure if I'll go up there tomorrow or not, but I'd love to go hangout and talk tractors with that sweet boy again.

Most Awkward Moment

The other day I experienced the most awkward moment ever except like most things with me, it just kept dragging on and on and on.  I work on a military base, so everyday I have to show my ID at the gate.  One of the gate workers is a lady who used to work for my grandfather.  He passed away three years ago and I've only seen the lady a few times until I started going through that gate this school year.  She is very nice and always asks about my grandmother and mom.  Well last week she asked, "How's the baby? Getting big I bet!".  I said "Oh yeah he's four now."  I assumed she was talking about my youngest nephew.  Because there were other cars behind me, I had to move along.  About 30 seconds down the road I realized she wasn't asking about my nephew.  She was asking about MY baby.  I was pregnant at my grandfather's visitation and she didn't know I'd had a miscarriage and was divorced.  Crap.  How do you tell someone there isn't a baby, three years later?  I called my mom and told her and once again my mom saved me.  She messaged the lady on Facebook and told her.  Needless to say the next time I went through the gate was a little awkward.  The lady rubbed my arm and said my mom had told her about my "troubles" and she hoped I was okay.  Wow.  It's been 3 years since my second miscarriage and 2 years since my divorce.  I work through it and am pretty at peace about it all, but this just totally caught me off guard.  I also felt bad for the lady because she had to feel terrible about it.  Does this stuff ever happen to people in New York or Los Angeles?

Beauty School Dropout

"Beauty School Dropout, you weren't cutout to..." Blah Blah Blah...  Thanks Frankie Avalon!  This song has been stuck in my head all week.  My version is more like grad school dropout though.  Oh yes, I barely even started and I quit.  It was a completely online program which they failed to mention when I applied and was accepted.  When I had the lovely headache for over 2 weeks, I got way behind on my assignments and it just wasn't happening.  Apparently I'm not ready to work and go to school.  I'm seriously bummed and feel like a total loser, but I plan to give myself a year or 2 and try again.  Maybe by then my body will cooperate!  Until then Frankie Avalon is singing me and Frenchy to sleep and I'm working on my plummeting self-esteem.  Life is good!

Things that make me HAPPY

I had a really rough last couple of weeks, so I thought I'd focus on the positive.  Here are a few things that make me happy, some large, some small.

1. Blistex Raspberry Lemonade Chapstick- I have scoured through many stores looking for this stuff. Last time I found it, I bought 3 boxes.

2. Nothing like cheese in a can... Yummm!

 3. Chocolate! I found this picture online, but it has several of my favorites in it.

4. I live on my mac!

5. I bought my first new vehicle this summer.  It was the first time I was able to work the deal myself and everything.  It was a proud moment.  I own a silver 2010 4-door Z71 4x4 Chevrolet Silverado.

6. My bed.

7. My sweet Pepper- She is a 12 year old black lab.  I got her when I was 19.

8. My family and friends- I love ALL of them forever and always, no matter what.

Brain Dead

For the last 2 weeks straight I've had a KILLER headache. This is a typical symptom of my IIH, but pretty debilitating.  I saw the specialist in neurology yesterday and explained that I'm behind on my grad school assignments, I've missed work, and I have no social life.  Everyday I get home from school and I'm in bed by 5:00pm due to a headache and I sleep until the next morning.  I don't go anywhere on the weekends either.  Let's just say I was frustrated when I went to see him yesterday and well pretty desperate.  He's up on all the current research and so we tried 2 different types of injections in my neck, several in the back of my head, and right above my eyebrows in my forehead.  They are basically a nerve block, different than Botox.  Today was a totally different day!  I didn't have a headache!  Everything is a little tender from all the places they stuck a 2 inch needle in my head, but still, better than a headache.  I called my brother to tell him about the procedure and I was explaining how at first my whole head and neck were numb from the forehead back.  It basically was like when you go to the dentist, but all over my head and neck.  It was a really strange feeling.  My brother goes, "So basically you're brain dead."  Yep.

The Help

At the recommendation of a friend, I decided to buy the book, The Help, by Kathryn Stockett.  I actually downloaded it as an audiobook to my iPod.  I've never bought an audiobook before, but I commute 30 minutes to work everyday and I don't have much other free time between work and grad school.  I highly recommend this book!  It is wonderful.  It's set in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960s and centers around a young white woman and two black maids.  It talks about the love between children and the black maids that raise them, prejudice, and civil rights.  The young white woman is ostracized for sympathizing with and befriending the two black maids.  It's being made into a movie as well and is just a great book.  If you get a chance, pick up The Help!