Perfect Doesn't Exist

My dad and my brother recently talked to me on separate occasions about my choice in men.  They both are concerned that I am not choosy enough.  Although, they have differing theories as to why.  Daddy thinks I'm lonely, so I'm settling.  (I'm southern, so I still call my father Daddy. Get over it.)  My brother says I don't think enough of myself, so I don't think I can find anyone better.  I'm not so sure.  They both could be onto something, or maybe nothing at all.  I'm much pickier than they think... HA!  Seriously!  If they only saw the ones I turn down.  That would really freak them out.  Talk about some winners!

A week or so later I was riding around with a friend of mine and we were discussing what my dad and brother thought.  We both came to the conclusion that our families cannot be objective.  Parents want what is best for us. They want everything to be perfect and that includes our significant others.  They want to help us avoid heartbreak.  Even though we all know that's one of the few things you can't protect against.  I also talked to my mother about this and she mentioned perfection as well. Then she laughed because no matter how badly I want the perfect man to come along or my father wants him to come along for me, it's not happening.  Perfect doesn't exist.

A few days ago I had the opportunity to be in the car with my dad for a while.  It was just the two of us, so I mentioned the conversation with my friend and how it's difficult for our families to be objective about us.  He said that of course it was difficult if not impossible for him to be objective about me.  I then mentioned how my grandfather always thought he knew what was best for our family and that maybe Daddy was feeling like that about me.  He looked at me and said, "I honestly don't know what I want for you. I just want you to be happy, but I don't know if that will be single or married or what I want for your life."  That took me by complete surprise because my dad is probably the wisest person I know.  If I'm unsure about something, I ask him so I can get a clear picture of all my options.  He has always known what I should do especially in my professional life, but even in my personal life he has given sound advice and tried to be objective.

Since my divorce and illness, I think I have completely confused my family.  I know I've confused myself!  I had a plan and it was carved out on a narrow path.  After 8 years of working on my path, I realized my plan wasn't going to happen, so I took a bulldozer to the whole damn thing.  The problem is now I can't seem to find my way back to the path or any piece of those old goals whatsoever.  I guess I thought if anyone had some insight into what I should do it would be my dad. 

Apparently though I'm supposed to be an adult and make decisions for myself.  When did that happen?!?  Ugh. Being 30 is so not cool. Ha ha  I can't say I'm young and just make mistakes anymore.  I'm an actual grown up.  With nowhere to turn for answers, I'm floundering as usual.  I just feel completely lost at an age when I thought my life would be tied in a neat little bow.  I realize most people's lives are never tied in that neat little bow, but right now mine is more like the ragged little shoe string that keeps getting stepped on by the kindergartner who still can't tie his shoe laces.