I'm a cry baby. I cry when I get angry and when I'm upset. Last year I started BAWLING because I thought my principal was going to retire. I teared up when my 10 year old nephew caught an interception during his football game because I was so damn proud of him. I cry during movies like Steel Magnolias, Brokeback Mountain, and even episodes of Bones. In the last few years though I've cried a LOT, mainly because I'm heartbroken, feeling the emptiness of not having children, or grieving for loved ones who died or are suffering. I've also cried when I was in pain and frustrated with IIH. There has been so much to cry about in the last few years, but now I have a new reason to cry.
Tonight I cried tears of pure JOY. They came streaming down my face and continue as I write this. As I cried, I put my hands together and prayed. Out loud. I usually pray a silent prayer every night, but never out loud when I'm alone. Tonight though I prayed out loud and I thanked God. I thanked Him for answering my little prayers.
Why am I thanking Him? Because after praying for years to meet a good man, a kind man, a loving man, God put this man in front of me. About three weeks ago I decided to try online dating one last time. I decided to be much pickier this time. I knew what I didn't want for sure. I worked on my profile and had a guy friend look over it. Then I began searching. I glanced over a few profiles, but nothing really stood out. Then I saw his. He's my age, the build I prefer, a non-smoker, no cats, and we had quite a few similiar interests. What really caught my eye though was his writing. He wrote his profile as if it were important. There were no errors or shorthand text lingo. He put thought into it. I messaged him and said I enjoyed reading his profile and listed some things we have in common. Then said he should check out my profile and message if he was interested. Within a few hours we were chatting online. The next night we were talking on the phone. We talked for hours each day either online or on the phone. Two weeks ago we had our first date. I was so nervous after being on one crappy date after another. Once I was with him for a few minutes though, it turned into a nervous excitement. He was so easy to talk to. He planned the date and took me to a restaurant I had casually mentioned in conversation that was good. This guy listened to me! After dinner he took me to see a band he thought I'd like based on our mutual music tastes. He had tickets reserved so we just had to walk in. He checked my coat and opened doors, including the car door! The band was really good. I remember how they sounded, but I couldn't tell you a single song they sang. I was too amazed at this man. He was a gentleman. He paid attention to things I mentioned casually. He planned our date out to the last detail. He complimented me. He gave me a goodnight kiss and then I went home. A friend asked me how our date was and I said, "It was probably..." and I thought of a past date to compare it to, like one of the top five dates. Then it came to me. I said, "It was probably THE best date I've ever had."
We talked everyday after that and had our second date yesterday. We went to one of my favorite restaurants. He already had it planned out. Then we went to a hockey game. It was something I'd mentioned in conversation that I thought was fun. It was just as awesome as the first date.
I almost feel like I'm holding my breath because I'm so used to things failing. He likes me as much as I like him though, even more if that's possible. He takes the time to plan dates we'll both enjoy. He calls me every night and texts me at least once each day. For the first time ever I'm on the same page with a guy. We have discussed not rushing things even though we both feel like this is going somewhere. We're still in the kissing phase and it's a good phase. We're taking time to really get to know each other. I'm not going to meet his children for a while. That was something I mentioned first, but he was in total agreement on. He agreed and said, "Absolutely, I don't want to introduce anyone to my kids until I know we're a team." That just somehow seemed like the right answer to me.
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