Bachelor #5

I met this guy on yahoo personals.  I'll call him Stan.  He is the most pivotal bachelor in my list.  We immediately had lots to talk about and met after a week or two of chatting and talking on the phone.  It went incredibly well.  He was great!  Stan made me feel so good about myself.  He told me I was intelligent and beautiful.  He checked on me almost daily because I was going through testing and trying to figure out what was wrong with my brain before I was officially diagnosed with IIH. 

We continued to talk and tried to see each other when we could, but he lived two hours away.  His job kept him on the road a lot.  Stan's dad went into the hospital right after we met and had major health problems.  He was in his late 70s.  A month or so after we started seeing each other his dad was diagnosed with cancer, so Stan spent every weekend at his parents' ranch trying to help his mom take care of everything.  I got to see him maybe once a month when he could find time, but we talked everyday on the internet and sometimes on the phone.  After seeing each other for several months, he started talking to me about moving to where he lived so he could see me more.  He talked about having children with me and introducing me to his parents and how I'd make a great mother.  He just never had time to see me. 

I was fresh out of an unhappy marriage and saw what I wanted to see.  I missed all the warning signs.  I hated not getting to see him, but he made me feel so good when I was with him.  Stan was also a major manipulator.  When I didn't answer his texts right away, he'd accuse me of cheating on him.  In reality, I was sitting at home missing him and was usually asleep by the time he texted.  Several times I tried to stop talking to him and he would tell me he loved me and that I was breaking his heart.  He said he couldn't lose me and deal with his dad dying of cancer and everything else.  I stayed in this relationship for over six months.  I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, and Spring Break in a relationship, but without him there.  I kept thinking he would have time for me when everything with his dad was sorted out, so I didn't complain or pressure too much.  I even skipped my nephew's birthday party because Stan really needed to see me.  They had gotten a bad report about his dad, so of course I went.  I just got tired of being in a relationship, but being alone all the time.  I missed him so much. 

I had googled him before we met and no red flags showed up.  After being with him for six months, I was so frustrated.  My friend and I were talking about the whole mess and she said, "Something isn't right."  I said, "I know, but I looked him up.  I didn't find anything.  He just doesn't have any time because of his job and his dad has cancer."  My friend being the intelligent woman that she is, decided to research him again.  She came across a woman's name with Stan's on a website, so she looked up the woman on Facebook.  Interestingly enough, the woman's page was public.  My friend was on the phone with me and said to look at the page, so we are simultaneously looking at this random woman's Facebook page.  I'll call her Kristy.  I started looking through her pictures and there was Stan holding puppies that he told me his dog just had.  The puppies I had offered to take care of while he went to his parents.  I continued frantically looking through her pictures and then I come upon them, the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen, their wedding pictures.  According to the date she labeled with the photos, Stan got married the weekend AFTER our first date! 

I was absolutely and completely destroyed.  I cried for hours.  I gained enough composure and called him.  Naturally he didn't answer the phone.  He never answered his phone, so I left him a voicemail.  I said, "I saw your wedding pictures. You and Kristy look very happy together and her dress is beautiful.  I don't know why you chose me to F*&$ with, but don't ever try to contact me again.  Stay away from me."  My message was calm and to the point.  I wanted Stan to know that I saw those pictures and I knew his wife's name.  I don't normally use the F-word either, but I wanted him to know I was serious.  He called me and messaged me all the next day.  I finally answered because I had to know why.  He said sometimes he believed it too.  I didn't know whether to keep crying or punch him in the face. He asked if I was going to tell his wife and he said he was so sorry he hurt me and that he really did love me.  I just replied, "This is how this is going to work.  I won't ever talk to you again and you don't EVER talk to me again.  Stay away from me." 

I thought about what to do for a long time.  I thought about contacting Stan's wife and telling her everything, but I just couldn't.  I realized I didn't want to be the one to ruin her otherwise happy life.  I didn't want to make anyone feel the way he made me feel.  I just couldn't do that.  I hope he never does it again, but he probably will and I'm sorry for her.  All I know is that it has been a year since I told him to stay away and he has.  I just wish the damage wasn't there.  I don't trust men anymore.  He hurt me and burned me.  It left wounds that can only be healed by a good man.  I haven't given up, but I'm much more careful.  Stan made me afraid.  He made me afraid of people from other places.  He made me afraid to date men outside of my little town.  Men in my town are safe because I know them.  I know their family and friends.  I damn sure know they aren't married!  It's very hard to hide anything in a town of 8,000 people!  I hope I meet that man who can help me heal.  In the meantime, I'm waiting (not so) patiently.