Sweet Times

I haven't really posted in a while, so it's time for an update.  Things at work haven't been going too well.  I still enjoy my job, but I've missed a lot due to headaches.  With the help of my boss, I realized it's time to apply for disability.  I'm just getting started in the process, so I'll try to post updates.  On the upside, I've been dating a great guy for about a month.  It was really unexpected.  Things with us are just so easy.  That's a new feeling.  We get along great and I've been very upfront about my condition so he knows exactly what he's getting into with me.  My family really likes him too.  My track record isn't great as you know, so I'm pretty nervous.  I am scared of getting hurt again.  I really really like this guy though and the possible positive outcome far outweighs any negative outcome.  Right now we are trying to take things slowly and  enjoy each other as much as we can!  It's so amazing to feel this happy again :)

Jumping on the Bandwagon

For years I've been proud of the fact that out of my friends, I'm one of the few who doesn't have a tattoo.  I'm not exactly trendy.  A few months before my 30th birthday I really started thinking about getting one.  It's been over two years and I'm still thinking about it.  I feel like I'm grounded enough in who I am to decide on something really permanent.  When I was younger I couldn't think of anything I would want to look at for the REST OF MY LIFE.  After thinking about it this long though, I know what's important to me.  I know who I am.  The options I considered are something symbolizing God and/or family.  The inner side of my foot seems like a safe place to get a tattoo as far as professional careers are concerned.  I haven't talked to any artists yet and I haven't chosen a font or exact design, but I think I know what I want.  I want some version of this verse from the book of Isaiah.  It encourages me and reminds me no matter how lonely I feel that I'm never actually alone.  God is there.  I would like feedback from people.  To tattoo or not to tattoo?  Those that know me, do you think I'm ready for this kind of permanency?  Do you think I will regret it later?  If you have one, what kind of flack did you catch from your family?  Weigh in y'all!

Time Shouldn't Change

It's that time again.  Yep, it's 1:30 AM and I'm awake because my body is an hour behind.  Daylight savings time has passed its prime!  What a colossal waste of energy!  Monday morning is going to be especially cruel this time.

On a more pleasant note, I figured out the answer to my question from the previous post.  Since I was lying here wide awake tonight I decided to do some reading.  I found my Bible and read the book of Genesis, then skimmed through passages I've been underlining since about eighth grade.  It was right there all along.  What do people do when they don't know what else to do?  What do they do when they have nothing to look forward to?  Pray.  Then, pray some more.  I don't know God's reasoning, but I know He has a plan for me.  I know I'm not meant to flounder about at age 32.  I will work on becoming the woman God wants me to be and maybe, just maybe God will bring that love and family I'm hoping for.  I know He will bring me through this.

Time Stands Still

I have so little inspiration to write lately. I do the same thing every week, go to work, go home, go out with friends on the weekend, go home alone. Pretty uneventful.  Life isn't moving forward and I'm at a point where I don't know how to move it forward.  What do people do when there isn't anything to look forward to?  That's where I'm at right now.

Running on Empty

Lately I feel like I've been running on empty.  I'm exhausted all the time.  I come home from work and go to bed and lots of days I'll sleep until the morning.  I know this is due to my IIH and stress which triggers the symptoms.  Work is going well and isn't the issue.  I just can't shake this feeling that this is it.  This is my life and it's not going to change.  Maybe it's not in the plan for me to have a family.  Maybe finding that great love just isn't going to be part of my life.  It leaves me feeling very empty and hopeless.  My life cannot consist of only what it is now because then there is nothing to look forward to.  How do I accept this?  Is this really God's plan for me?  I'm feeling very broken and need a boost.  I've got to get myself out of this funk!  I've been praying for God to lift this heaviness from my heart.  I remind myself of the good things in my life- friends, family, job, etc.  I just feel like part of me is missing.  I want to be a mother and I want love.  How does a person accept that maybe this isn't going to happen for them?

Moving Along

Life is moving right along, nothing exciting, nothing new really, pleasant and pretty uneventful. That of course means I don't have a lot of material to write about, hence the low number of new posts by yours truly.  I have had a few interesting customers at work.  It's been an experience going from public school to working with the "adult" public.  Some of them still have some growing up to do!  I have been treated as if I am a complete idiot who obviously must not have much education since I'm just a lowly secretary.  Yes, I'm being sarcastic.  It has been interesting to see how people react to me though.  Some customers prefer talking to a man and some just prefer talking to someone other than a secretary.  I wonder what they would think if I hung my college diploma above my desk?  On a positive note, we do have many great customers who are very appreciative of our service.

My personal life is going fine, nothing really new and exciting there either.  There aren't any major prospects in the romance department.  I don't know that I'm looking very hard.  I'm enjoying having fun with friends.  I did have an 18 year old hit on me! lol  That was a nice little self-esteem booster, albeit creepy.

I really wrote a lot the last year or so and would love comments from people.  They don't have to be positive necessarily.  I'd love some insight and politely worded honesty or even just a "been there too".  Hope you enjoy reading my jumbled thoughts!  I'm off to take a glorious nap and continue waiting not so patiently...

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