Giant Tortoise

It's the end of school and summer is near! Thank you Lord! I need summer for my sanity. Things just are not moving along as quickly as I'd like though. I don't have enough time at work, but everything else is going so slowly.

I'm still waiting to hear if I got into grad school. The guy I was talking on the phone to seems to have put me in the friend zone before we even met. I'm just in such a blah mood lately. I need a vacation, just a chance to disappear for a while and relax. I put entirely too much pressure on myself about finding a relationship.

The other day I was talking to a single guy friend. I asked him how his love life was and he said it was pretty slow. He asked how mine was going. I said, "You know that giant tortoise that lives to be like a century old? That slow."

Patience is a Virtue

I went to a wedding this weekend that was so much fun. It was outside and the weather was gorgeous. The reception followed with a crawfish boil and a great DJ. My little brother was the best man. I knew most of the people there. We met the groom when I was maybe five and he and my brother were three, at day care. We've known the bride since at least junior high, if not longer.

What made this wedding extraordinary though is that the bride and groom had been dating since high school, a total of thirteen years! Thirteen freaking years, People! She waited patiently until he was ready. She was ready years ago, but he wasn't, so she kept waiting. (and waiting and waiting)

I will never know how she was so strong and had so much faith for that long, but Saturday was a true testament to the power of a woman's love. I was so proud for them and there were so many beautiful moments that we got to share with them. Her patience and strength gave me new hope. What an inspiration! Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Stewart! I wish you many years of happiness.

I'm Just a Small Girl in a Big World

“I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am pretty, but not beautiful. I have friends, but I am not the peacemaker. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.” -Marilyn Monroe

I have a strange habit of searching for random quotations that mean something to me and saving them. I ran across this one the other night and I thought, "This fits me almost perfectly!". The only difference is I do try to be the peacemaker in my relationships. It spoke to me though. It was as if she knew exactly how I felt! I am most of those things and all I want is LOVE.

 

I was still thinking about this quote the next day on my drive to work and it dawned on me. Marilyn Monroe didn't think she was beautiful?!? How sad it would be to have people all over the world lusting after you and still not think you are beautiful! Did she ever feel beautiful or loved? 

 

I enjoy her movies, but I wouldn't say I am any kind of Marilyn Monroe scholar. I don't know about her childhood. But thinking about how empty she felt makes me think she didn't get the love she needed as a child if people all over the world talked of her beauty and she couldn't see it. 

 

I am blessed to have two very loving parents who always told me I was beautiful, intelligent, funny, and kind. They love me unconditionally. Until I find my great love I know I will always have the love of my family around me. I need a reminder sometimes that is enough.

Latest happenings

In the last week things have gone crazy. My grandfather passed away. The day after his funeral, my grandmother passed out and hit her head, so she was admitted to the hospital. The following day we were told my mother has an aggressive form breast cancer. When I let my cousins know, they said my little cousin was on his way into surgery and had been attacked by a dog and bitten in the face. Needless to say, our family was thinking enough already!!!

So far my grandmother is doing well in the hospital although it has been a week. My little cousin is going to need two more surgeries, but the doctor was able to keep the scar along his smile line and thinks it will heal nicely. The best news of all though is all of the doctors who are scheduling my mom's surgery, radiation, etc. are saying they caught her cancer as early as possible. They are all very positive about her prognosis. We have all been praying that everything continues to go well and that my mom beats this. If anyone can, I know she can! This ribbon is in honor of my mother, Jani.

On a lighter note, I'm finishing up my grad school application. I just have to do the essay. I should start in June if everything goes according to plan! I've also been talking to a really cool guy on the phone for a few weeks now and hoping we can meet soon.

Tex-Mex Love

Yesterday I survived the GRE. My scores are another story, but I think I did well enough to get into my school of choice. So naturally I felt the need to kick back and reward myself a little. I went to one of my favorite places, Chuy's. It's an awesome Tex-Mex restaurant that has several locations around Texas. Much of the decor centers around Elvis, patrons' dogs, local artists, hub caps, and wooden fish. The strawberry margaritas are damn near perfection. Although I didn't have one yesterday since I had to drive an hour back home. Boo. They also make an amazing creamy jalapeno dressing/sauce/dip. Most request it with the chips and salsa, but it's also the sauce on the fish or shrimp tacos and is dressing on their salads. Usually I order the same thing, but sometimes I feel like change just for the sake of change. I always get the Deluxe Chicken Enchiladas. They have an amazing creamy tomatillo sauce. Yesterday though I felt like a change. I ordered the Chuychanga, a chicken chimichanga with the fabulous deluxe tomatillo sauce. In the photo you can see my little piece of Tex-Mex heaven. Normally there would be some sort of pico de gallo and salad garnish, but I'm not a veggie lover so I always opt out. I thoroughly enjoyed my lunch on the patio after the stress of taking the GRE. Ahhh love!

I'm Not Ready!

Here it is after midnight. No surprise there. I never fall asleep before midnight these days, but tonight I really needed to. I'm taking the GRE tomorrow. Eek!

I'm attempting to get into graduate school so I can become a school counselor. I need this, I mean desperately need this. After six years in the classroom, I'm ready for a change. I want to continue working with children. I feel it is my true calling. However, I think I can reach students more effectively in smaller groups. Classes of 30 are becoming overwhelming.

I have studied for this test, but obviously not enough. I feel so unprepared. I've been going over the study book and making flash cards. Tonight I was lying in bed going over the flash cards again. It just seems incredibly daunting. Sooo here I am, with a glass of wine, watching Muppets from Space trying to breathe slowly. This does not bode well for tomorrow. Please just let me do well enough to get into a decent school! I'm not asking for Harvard here, just not the University of Phoenix in Guam okay.

If I can make it through this test, I'll be on my way and waiting on one less thing. Isn't that the point, to change the things I can? This is something I have some control over. This is a way to move my life forward. Wish me luck and that I don't have a panic attack at the testing center!

I'm THAT girl

A couple of days ago I was reading an advice column on The Frisky. A woman was asking how to let her friend know that she was tired of picking up the pieces every time it didn't work out with a guy. Her friend seemed to always settle for losers. The columnist suggested going out for a drink and just explaining that she's tired of seeing her friend go through this over and over and that maybe she should suggest therapy to her friend to find out why she keeps picking guys that aren't good for her. I read the comments at the end and all of them were along the lines of "I have a friend like that. It's hard to tell them you can't deal with the crying anymore."

I emailed the column to one of my best friends who is always there for me when I have dating drama.  Immediately after reading it she replied, "When do you want to go have that drink?". She saw exactly the same thing I did. I'm the friend who keeps settling for losers and calls crying when it doesn't work out. I'm THAT girl.

I'd like to say I turned into her after my divorce, but that's just not the truth. I was that girl from the very beginning. I've been on this great search for love since I was probably six years old. In school, I always "liked" somebody, but rarely went out with them. I had one serious relationship that lasted from my junior year of high school to my sophomore year of college. We broke up and I was devastated. Within months I met my future ex-husband. We were married for almost eight years. Now I find myself back in the land of the single. Maybe I just don't know how to date. I was in serious relationships during the ages most people are out living their single years. But then, how does one learn to date? Suggestions welcome!